February Blues

So normally on a Friday, I would do a little LND links to share all the cool things I’ve seen online lately.  But this week has been ONE OF THOSE WEEKS, and I haven’t written down any cool links. 

In fact, this week has been kind of a bucket of suck.

I hate February.  It’s my least favorite month.  It’s not the cold–I don’t really mind the cold, actually.  And I like snow, so if it snows, I’m cool with that.  This month just has nothing to offer.  It’s a long, dismal stretch of blah that even perfect weekend field trips can’t completely overcome.

I don’t love Valentine’s Day, so I can’t get into that.  In New England, schools have a week off in February, but in the DC area, we don’t–and we even lost our one 3-day weekend this month because we’ve had so many canceled school days already so they’re using the President’s Day holiday as a make-up school day.  So no cool trips or days off (although honestly, my kids had so little school in January, it might be a blessing to have a full month of school in February).

This is the time of year when my kids are stuck inside more than usual, so they’re on each others’ nerves more than usual.  Which gets on my nerves.  I end up yelling a lot, which I hate.  And I’m exhausted every night after spending hours every day mediating relations between four children.

The house gets messier than normal because we’re all inside, making messes.  I feel like I spend most of my time every single day cleaning up, and then I look around at room after room of clutter and mess and feel like my head is going to explode.  Christmas clutter snuck in despite my best attempts to purge before the holidays, and now my house feels overly FULL to me.  (I think my mental health status is very closely linked to how cluttered my house is.)

And once my brain starts down the path, my thought process goes something like this: “the house is a mess, all I do is clean and no one notices or cares or helps out, I’m yelling at the kids too much to get them to help out, I’m a bad mom and haven’t done a good job of teaching my children to help out around the house, I must be doing something wrong if I can’t keep up with all the chores and laundry and cooking, I have no idea what I’m making for dinner AGAIN tonight, I’m a failure at being a housewife, what’s my purpose in life, also I hate my living room furniture and my kitchen sink seems to be leaking, I hate my house, we can’t have nice things, my life sucks”. 

I know this makes no sense.  I know that most of these things are not true.  I love my house.  My kids and my husband are all pretty freaking awesome and they DO help out a lot.  My life does not suck. 

But for some reason February always tells me it does.

I may or may not have alerted Matt to my fragile mental state yesterday by bursting into tears on the phone with him while he was at work.  Lucky for me, he doesn’t think I’m crazy, he just offers to help get the house in better order this weekend and make a Goodwill trip to get rid of a lot of clutter that’s built up over the winter, and then he tells me not to worry about dinner and he will fold all the clean laundry with me while we watch the Olympics after the kids go to bed.  He’s a keeper, that one.

February is a short month, though, thank goodness.  And I DO have the Olympics to help me get through it.  And luckily in DC, Spring pretty much starts in the beginning of March, so by next month I can open some windows and get outside and get the kids outside.  And I’ll keep planning weekend field trips this month so I have SOMETHING to look forward to during the slog of the weekdays.

So today, I’m going to suck it up and look on the bright side as much as I possibly can.  I’m going to be grateful for all the good things I have and I am going to tell my brain to shut up when it starts telling me how bad my house looks and what a terrible mother and wife I am.  And I’m going to bake brownies, because warm chocolate makes everything better.

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