As I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday, I came across a post that a friend had shared from a really, really super popular blogger who tweeted about an awkward incident in the airport. And then got about ninety million tweets in reply sharing other awkward moments.
You guys, I read through the entire feed. And I laughed so hard I was snorting and gasping for breath. I actually had to get up and walk around at one point because I was laughing so hard I had to stretch.
I. LAUGHED. SO. HARD. I. HAD. TO. STRETCH.
That is saying something.
You have to read these awkward moments. And then revel in the knowledge that we all do stupid, embarrassing, ridiculous stuff sometimes.
Once in college, I was at the gym running on the treadmill. All the treadmills were full and the gym was crowded. My towel, which hung over the bar in front of me, slipped off and flew off the back of the treadmill. So I slowed the treadmill down to what I thought was a reasonable speed to simply stop walking and ride the tread back, exiting gracefully, retrieving my towel, and getting back on the treadmill to resume my workout.
I shot off the back of the treadmill far too quickly, threw my arms out to maintain some sort of balance, and landed on one foot with the other leg extended behind me in some sort of awkward and ridiculous ballet pose. Like this, but lacking all grace, style, and beauty:
I did not even pause to pick up my towel or stop the running treadmill. I just looked at the ground, walked into the locker room and grabbed my stuff, and left. I LITERALLY LEFT THE TREADMILL ON. I am dying of embarrassment writing about this 15+ years later.
If I had actually fallen, it wouldn’t have been nearly as embarrassing because at least then I could have feigned injury and gained sympathy from the on-lookers. Instead I just mortified myself in front of a crowd of people who were all probably in better shape than me, too.
I’m cool like that.
Another time, I was in the car waiting in line at the bank drive-thru. I was alone, sitting quietly, not really thinking about anything, when I realized that I was legitimately STARING right at the person in the car next to me (even though I hadn’t really been focusing on them). And they were looking at me. And I was making this face, only less pretty:
I don’t know WHY I was making this face. Apparently it’s comfortable to hold my face in this way. I do suffer from Resting Bitch Face, but this goes beyond even that; my sisters and I call it the Ugly Face. So I was staring at the person in the car next to me making the Ugly Face for a good 30 seconds before I focused and realized. Then I tried to slide down in my seat and hide, but it didn’t matter, the damage was done.
I also made that face at former New England Patriot Ty Law when I almost walked directly into him in the stadium after working at the game when I was in college. To be fair, my sister was there and she did it too. Maybe it’s genetic.
I may have passed this trait on to my children, too. Gabe came home from school yesterday and told me that he had this conversation in class:
Boy in class to Gabe: “Girl X has a crush on you!”
Girl X to Gabe, giggling: “I do have a crush on you.”
Gabe: “NO.” Walks Away.
I died laughing when he relayed this story. He’s definitely my kid.
Humans are awkward. We are all weird, we all do stupid embarrassing things, and then live with the shame forEVER. I still cringe inwardly over things I did more than twenty years ago, which leads me to believe I will probably NEVER get over them.
So let’s embrace it. Tell me your embarrassing stories and I’ll tell you mine.