Love is Lunch

On Thursday mornings, I have a riding lesson that runs until about 11:30AM.  That day, there’s an amazing food truck making delicious Thai food on the base where Matt works.  But because of my lesson, I can’t get there early enough to order lunch for myself before the line gets so long, it’s dinner time before lunch is ready.  So Matt goes early, orders his food, and orders a meal for me to pick up on my way home from riding.  It’s just a little gesture, but every Thursday I’m grateful for a delicious, hot lunch after a few hours of hard work at the stable.

I read this blog post the other day about a book called Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by author Amy Rosenthal (who also wrote the viral NYT article You May Want to Marry my Husband, and who passed away last week from ovarian cancer).  I wouldn’t recommend reading the article without tissues nearby.

I haven’t read the book yet, but I plan to now.  This excerpt, though, stopped me in my tracks:

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Under “L”

LOVE – If you really love someone, you want to know what they ate for lunch or dinner without you. Hi, sweetie, how was your day, what did you have for lunch? Or if your mate was out of town on business: How was your trip, did the meeting go well, what did you do for dinner? Jason will stumble home in the wee hours from a bachelor party, and as he crawls into bed I’ll pry myself from sleep long enough to mumble, how was the party, how was the restaurant beforehand? The meal that has no bearing on the relationship appears to be breakfast. I can love you and not know that when you were in Cincinnati last Wednesday you had yogurt and a bagel.

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When Matt and I first started dating and were living in California, he went home to Maryland for a few weeks over the summer.  We had literally only been together maybe a month.  We talked on the phone just about every day while he was gone.  Later, when I met his mom, Karen told me that she knew I was important because she heard Matt ask me on the phone what I’d had for lunch.  Who would even think to ask that of someone if they didn’t care about every little thing they did?  That was when she knew I was different than past girlfriends.  Less than a month after he got back from that Maryland trip, Matt proposed to me.  Right after we went out to lunch.

When you love someone, the little details matter to you.  Lunch matters to you.  On Thursdays, when Matt orders for me from the food truck, he doesn’t call me first to see what I want (I wouldn’t be able to answer anyway, because I’m sitting on the back of a horse).  He looks at the menu for the day and picks the thing he knows I’d pick.  He’s never gotten it wrong, not even once; I always check the menu when I pick up my food just to see. 

My riding instructor told me she thinks Matt is the perfect husband.  He’s not perfect! I insisted, laughing at the thought.  And he’s not.  But Lord knows I’m not the perfect wife (Matt just did a silent snort-laugh if he’s reading this).  And at least he knows what I want for lunch, so I think he is, in fact, perfect for me.

Things You Need To Know

Sometimes I see things on the internet and I think — man, everyone should read this/know this, so I might share it on Facebook or tweet it.  And like four people probably read it.

But then I thought it would be better to post a little compilation of links to things you definitely should know about every so often.  (And it helps me too, ’cause I won’t lose the links!)

Also, today is St. Patrick’s Day, a holiday which is largely ignored by the English, celebrated minimally by the Irish, and a really big deal to the Americans (particularly those in Boston and New York, it seems).  Since I am an American from Boston in England of Irish descent (and traveling to Ireland next week), I am in a weird place for this holiday, but I do love it and feels like home, so I’m celebrating — Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Now, here’s the list of things that I think we should all know about this week.  Go, read, and be more knowledgeable!

This simple explanation of the female anatomy — some of which I honestly did not know, despite the fact that I have indeed been a female for almost 38 years.

How all 158 members of the Irish parliament feel about Beyonce.  Hysterical.

Really great skiing-with-kids advice from a mom of two in New England.

Very detailed and specific information on how to get involved in local politics (and RESIST!) from a dedicated group of former congressional staffers.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg works out with a personal trainer twice a week.  And she bench presses more than you do. (Fine, more than I do.  But I have a bad shoulder, so…)

The oxford comma is important, necessary, and apparently worth a bit of money. (See what I did there?)

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See something on the internets that I should include in this list of things people should know? Email it to me at jessica@littlenestingdoll.com

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A Woman’s Work: Alexis

Alexis and I were roommates in college.  She is one of those women who always seems to know what she’s doing and is confident and calm in all her decisions.  Since we graduated, she’s done some pretty amazing stuff — she’s lived in Japan, Manhattan, and Istanbul and traveled all over the place.  She spent a summer traveling alone in Turkey, where she met the man who was to become her husband, then had one of the coolest weddings on earth that Matt and I were so lucky to be able to attend (which included my favorite wedding story ever).

Alexis is smart, chic, and strong and she uses her talents and her grace to create a new generation of thinkers, readers, and writers.  Read on… 

1) What is your job?

I am a teacher.   Currently, I teach high school English in a private school in Istanbul, Turkey, but I started my teaching career in the New York City public schools.

2) How did you wind up in that job — was it something you always wanted to do, a career change, etc?

When I was very young, I used to “play teacher”: I would line up all my dolls, get out my own small chalkboard, put on my pink plastic glasses (because that gave me more authority, of course) and teach my class.   A few of my elementary school teachers even gave me the teachers’ edition of textbooks at the end of a school year when they were changing books for the following year, and those spiral-bound pages with all the answers inside became some of my prized possessions.

As I entered university, though, I really was not sure what I wanted to do as a career.  But I knew I loved reading and writing, so deciding to major in English was an easy decision.   For a period, I entertained the idea of going to law school after college, but I soon realized that my heart just was not in law.   This did leave me wondering what to do when I graduated (even once graduation was upon me)!

3) What other jobs have you done in the past?  What was the path that brought you where you are now?

My mom jokes that I have been working since I was 10 years old, but that’s not too much of an exaggeration really.   Over the years, I have been a candy store clerk, gardener, dog sitter (which really amounted to watching “The Price is Right” with the dog during the day while his owners were at work), nanny, catering sales assistant, and a waitress.

After I graduated from university, I needed to earn money and, still doubting what profession I wanted to devote myself to, I took a job as a waitress (at Boston’s famous Cheers).   It was good fun, low stress and the hours were flexible, but I wanted to do something more.   I applied to work in a language school in Japan and was offered the position, so for one year, I taught English to children and adults with varying degrees of English proficiency.   It was a great adventure that introduced me to life as an expat, with all its thrills and frustrations.  

It was during that year in Japan that I decided that teaching was, in fact, what I wanted to do professionally and so, upon my return to the States, I immediately started pursuing that goal.   I applied for the New York City Teaching Fellows program and was accepted; soon, I was immersed in intensive training, teaching 8th grade and studying for my Master’s degree at the same time.   In those first six years, I taught at two different middle schools in New York City.

Then I took a solo trip for most of the following summer break.  On that trip I met and fell in love with my now-husband.  Soon after my return to New York, I applied for a job near him, then packed up and moved again, this time to teach in his native Turkey.  I am currently in my sixth year of teaching here in Istanbul.   

4) What do you love about your job?

There are many things I love about my job, but the biggest one is the connections that I make with students.   I enjoy so much when students stay after class to chat about the lesson, or about something else going on in their lives.  When I was teaching in New York, I regularly had students who stayed with me in my classroom for lunch rather than going to the cafeteria, and even though I sometimes wished I could take a break, I appreciated that they wanted to be there and I enjoyed getting to know them outside of class.

I also absolutely love those moments when students are engaged and getting it and taking the lesson even further than I had intended.   Yesterday, for example, a few students in my 10th grade English class got into an unprompted, lively debate about Prospero’s motivations in Shakespeare’s The Tempest.  While other students were telling them, “Okay, that’s enough,” I let it go on because that is exactly what we are hoping for as teachers: that we can lay the groundwork for students to access and engage with a text or topic, but that they will then develop their own ideas about it.   Here are kids who groaned about reading Shakespeare, who are reading it in a foreign language, and they were now having a thoughtful debate about some of its central themes.  Those are the moments when I love my job most.

5) Have you faced any challenges/struggles to get where you are today?

When I first started out as a teacher, I was also taking classes in the evening for my Master’s degree.   It was a two-year program and those being my first two years of teaching, it was exhausting and stressful.   I was also teaching in a school that had only recently opened and I was not only the lone 8th grade English teacher there, I was also the first 8th grade English teacher the school had ever had.   That meant I had to design the curriculum from scratch, so I spent endless hours outside of school planning lessons and gathering resources.   Since my school did not have a library and much of my curriculum depended on students having access to a wide variety of books on their independent reading levels, I also spent time going to secondhand book shops and book fairs to buy books for my students.   On top of those challenges, the school also had no deans, no established discipline procedures and lots of discipline problems.   It was a real baptism by fire for me, but I think it helped shape me as a teacher.

I was also living in Manhattan, which is notoriously expensive, and trying to survive – and have fun – on a teacher’s salary was no easy task in the Big Apple.    

6) Has having children changed your perspective on work?

Before I had a baby, I never thought I would want to be a stay-at-home mom.   Fast forward to 16 weeks after my little girl was born and I had to go back to work full-time and I was longing to just stay home with her.   Nothing other than our little family felt like it mattered at that moment and I just wanted to be there to teach her everything and witness her every milestone.  I felt so sad to leave her because I knew I would miss her so much during the day, but I was also sad because I felt like those 4 months when I was on maternity leave would be the last time – perhaps ever – that we would be able to spend every day together, just the two of us.   That was a very depressing thought.   I can now fully appreciate all the Superwomen I know, who juggle so many things personally and professionally.   And all the stay-at-home moms.   I have been back at work for 4 months now and I have adjusted to the situation a bit more, but I still run home at the end of the day, scoop my baby up, and plaster her with kisses.   

7) What advice or inspiration can you give to other women — about anything — jobs, work, family, parenting, life in general — what do you want other women to know?

I am a new mom, so the advice that is on my mind right now about parenting is this: read, listen to friends and family’s advice, but then really listen to your own instincts and to your child.   I have already found myself getting caught up in the differing approaches to everything parenting — from breastfeeding to sleep training to introducing solids — but when I come back to listening to my own instincts, it seems to make so much more sense.

And forge strong female friendships because those will get you through the tough times. 

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Basically, Alexis is brave and independent — she took a solo trip to Turkey, met and fell in love with her husband, and transplanted herself across the world to make that work.  Istanbul is an amazing city, different from anywhere else I’ve ever been, so living there must be an incredibly unique experience for an expat.

Alexis also truly loves her job and I cannot think of many careers more influential on the future than that of a teacher.  She is literally shaping the minds of the future, teaching kids to think and comprehend and apply what they’ve learned to their own lives.  And I can also tell you that Alexis does all that with a calmness that is truly impressive.

Out of the whole amazing interview, though, the last line struck me hard: “And forge strong female friendships because those will get you through the tough times”.  I’m so lucky to have Alexis as a strong female friend that I can rely on!  If nothing else, as a mother and a woman, you need those friends that you can turn to when you have questions or complaints or worries or, even better, fantastic news to celebrate.

Thank you Alexis!

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Do you know someone I should interview for “A Woman’s Work”?  Shoot me an email at jessica@littlenestingdoll.com and let me know.

Cozy

Spring is definitely in the air in England — the fields around us are greening up, daffodils are blooming, and it’s been in the mid-50s all week.  But spring in England seems to be a long process, if last year taught me anything.  It starts off very promising — warm weather seems just around the corner! —  but it seems to stretch out until basically July. 

Then there are a few short weeks of summer — make the most of them!  Autumn arrives in early September.

So although it’s warmer and sunny in the days, at night it still feels cool and damp.  We light a fire almost every night, and the six of us hover around it absorbing the warmth.  It’s cozy. 

Some nights we watch TV, some nights I read Harry Potter out loud to whichever children are interested in listening.  Some nights we play pictionary or trivia games or cards.  Just about every night, though, finds the six of us gathered in the living room around a warm fire, hanging out.  I think it’s my favorite part of the day.

I know it won’t last — as we roll toward June, the sun won’t set until somewhere around 10PM, so the children (and Matt and I, honestly) will be out in the garden playing and relaxing and soaking up all the light we can get.  And I will love that too.

But for now, there’s no place I’d rather be than snuggled up next to the fire with my favorites.

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