Tag Archives: marriage

Love is Lunch

On Thursday mornings, I have a riding lesson that runs until about 11:30AM.  That day, there’s an amazing food truck making delicious Thai food on the base where Matt works.  But because of my lesson, I can’t get there early enough to order lunch for myself before the line gets so long, it’s dinner time before lunch is ready.  So Matt goes early, orders his food, and orders a meal for me to pick up on my way home from riding.  It’s just a little gesture, but every Thursday I’m grateful for a delicious, hot lunch after a few hours of hard work at the stable.

I read this blog post the other day about a book called Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by author Amy Rosenthal (who also wrote the viral NYT article You May Want to Marry my Husband, and who passed away last week from ovarian cancer).  I wouldn’t recommend reading the article without tissues nearby.

I haven’t read the book yet, but I plan to now.  This excerpt, though, stopped me in my tracks:

****

Under “L”

LOVE – If you really love someone, you want to know what they ate for lunch or dinner without you. Hi, sweetie, how was your day, what did you have for lunch? Or if your mate was out of town on business: How was your trip, did the meeting go well, what did you do for dinner? Jason will stumble home in the wee hours from a bachelor party, and as he crawls into bed I’ll pry myself from sleep long enough to mumble, how was the party, how was the restaurant beforehand? The meal that has no bearing on the relationship appears to be breakfast. I can love you and not know that when you were in Cincinnati last Wednesday you had yogurt and a bagel.

****

When Matt and I first started dating and were living in California, he went home to Maryland for a few weeks over the summer.  We had literally only been together maybe a month.  We talked on the phone just about every day while he was gone.  Later, when I met his mom, Karen told me that she knew I was important because she heard Matt ask me on the phone what I’d had for lunch.  Who would even think to ask that of someone if they didn’t care about every little thing they did?  That was when she knew I was different than past girlfriends.  Less than a month after he got back from that Maryland trip, Matt proposed to me.  Right after we went out to lunch.

When you love someone, the little details matter to you.  Lunch matters to you.  On Thursdays, when Matt orders for me from the food truck, he doesn’t call me first to see what I want (I wouldn’t be able to answer anyway, because I’m sitting on the back of a horse).  He looks at the menu for the day and picks the thing he knows I’d pick.  He’s never gotten it wrong, not even once; I always check the menu when I pick up my food just to see. 

My riding instructor told me she thinks Matt is the perfect husband.  He’s not perfect! I insisted, laughing at the thought.  And he’s not.  But Lord knows I’m not the perfect wife (Matt just did a silent snort-laugh if he’s reading this).  And at least he knows what I want for lunch, so I think he is, in fact, perfect for me.

Thirteen

m-and-j-13th-anniversary

For the third year in a row, Matt is on a business trip during the first week of December.  I know this because this is the third year in a row that he’s been gone on our anniversary.  Honestly, it’s not like we’d be doing anything exciting on a Tuesday night in early December, so it’s not really a big deal.  But eventually it would be nice to see him in person on this day just so I can tell him to his face how glad I am to be married to him.

This is our 13th anniversary.  And I’m really, really happy to report that he’s still the person I most want to hang out with, whose opinion I seek first on every subject and whose thoughts matter most to me, whose presence makes me happiest and absence is felt the sharpest.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again: my early 20’s weren’t my best decision-making years, but I definitely, absolutely got this one right.  Marrying Matt was my best decision ever.

I will not lie, though, marriage is not an easy state of being.  It’s a constant — and I mean never-ending — process of compromising and prioritizing and listening and appreciating and adapting.  I am not the same person I was 13 years ago; I have grown up and changed and evolved as my life has moved through different phases.  And Matt has changed as well.  It’s not hard to see how we could have changed in ways that made us less likely to agree and less inclined to want the same things.  But I think we’ve worked hard, often without even knowing we were doing it, to make sure we kept our priorities in line with one another.  I think we’ve kept an important focus: that what makes the other person happy is good and important and vital.  As long as we’re both always working to make the other happy, we will each be happy, too — because someone else is always working to make that so.

So today, even though he’s thousands of miles away, I’m celebrating 13 years of the best decision I ever made and looking forward to spending the rest of my life working hard to make Matt happy, just the way he makes me happy, every single day.


Also, our first 10th anniversary, and our second 10th anniversary.


 

Real Poetry

matt and me

I found these Valentine’s poems for married people via the brilliant Cup of Jo and I read every one and I laughed out loud FOR REAL, not in the LOL kind of way.

This one’s my favorite:

When we have children,
They will watch no television.
No screens.
We will be different from those other parents,
And we will take pride in our being better.
Fast-forward seven years,
And it’s Sunday morning,
6 A.M.
Do you know who our friend is?
SpongeBob SquarePants, that’s who.
And, yes, you can have Mentos for breakfast.

I may need to write a few honest poems myself…


Also, we have two wedding anniversaries, and here‘s why.  Romantic -ish!


 

Ten, Times Two

 

wedding_1_edit

Matt and I have two anniversaries.  Eleven and a half years ago, we eloped.  And then ten years ago, we had a wedding.

So tomorrow is our second ten-year anniversary.

Our wedding was so long delayed, so much anticipated, and so worth the wait. 

Our original wedding was postponed because I was supposed to deploy.  So we eloped.  Then I didn’t deploy because it turned out I was pregnant.  And then we had a baby.  And then Matt deployed. 

And then, FINALLY, fourteen months after our original wedding was scheduled for, nineteen months after we eloped, ten months after our first baby was born, and four months after Matt came home, we had a wedding. 

And man, it was the best party.  The sweetest, most anticipated, joy-filled celebration of something we had planned and delayed and hoped for for so long.  It was a night full of the people we love most, dancing and singing and eating and celebrating and filling us up with love and support and happiness.  It was a perfect night.

No marriage is without bumps, no relationship is without it’s challenges, and no person is without flaws.  But perfection isn’t the goal.  The goal, I think, is to find the person who helps you through hard times and allows you come out the other side a better person.  The point of it all is not to have a perfect life free of hardship, but to love your life together complete with it’s difficulties.

Perfection is a fairy tale, but happily ever after is real.  I’m so grateful to be living mine.

wedding cake

Happy Tenth Anniversary, Matt, for the second time. 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...